Prayer

Lately my life lacks prayer. I will really say it out loud with shame; I’ve been not praying for a long long time. But it just gives me a new inspiration while not praying.

PRAYER is not DEMAND or REMIND unto God of our situation, but Prayer is a place to draw strength from God on what He is going to do. No words in prayer can change what He is going to do, and no one can ordain Him to do things. But this is the good news that makes me leap in JOY; GOD is only doing things for our GOOD. And many times situation in life may disapprove the ‘good news’. So that is why we need prayer, to be focus on God and draw strength from him to go through life in the desperate moment.

Nothing is going to change, even if I pray or I don’t pray, God is still going to do the good things he intend to do. Whether I pray or not, God will still do it, because He is GOOD.

Then why need to pray? Well prayer put things in perspective:-
- It makes one to anticipate God’s Goodness.
- It makes one strong to face the storm
- It help one to understand the Person in charge ( GOD )
- It makes one clarify to the things God is doing.
- It increases measurement of faith
- It glorifies God on the he is doing if not it is just coincidence

And many more things I may overlooked because I am not a theologian to put it in right perspective, but I just put it out of my inspiration from God.

This is my view and makes me really see why Prayer is important.

Prayer is exercise for spirit. If we never pray, we can still live, but we are living unhealthy Christian walk, just as the body without exercise.

Let’s Pray 

Years the Locust have eaten

Joel 2: 25 “ So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten,
The crawling locust,
The consuming locust,
And the chewing locust,[e]
My great army which I sent among you.”

This passage of scripture really tested and proven with my life. Many times, when I read this, I always ask the Lord, where’s the years “I” lost away ? Where is the years “people” around me had taken away? Where is the years “I had” to give away (Studies) ? When I walk into my adulthood, I realize so many years, the locust have eaten. The crawling locust, spoke about the evil days of my life, the Consuming Locust speaks about the years you have to give away for studies and growing up and the chewing locust, reflects people around me that have made me misery or made me “me”.

When I come to the Lord, I always regret of the years I have lost, I always cry and demand back the year. And every time I cry, I always end encouraging myself, that it’s a past it can never happen to me again, I have to let go the past and so on.

But, Years have return, The LORD is faithful, heaven and earth will pass but HIS WORD will never pass away.

I’ve grown up in rush that, I didn’t get to travel, or go to amusement park or even to zoo. The only young days I can remember going was going to Melaka to crocodile farm and THAT’s IT.

Today, I can name myself, things I have done before I die, haha, things like I have been to Cameron and Genting Highland ( while my college days ). Been to beaches like Teluk Chempedak( Pahang), Port Dickson, Penang beaches, and Desaru ( my own place but it was while working only I get to go ).

Yesterday was a deal off the hook, I went to Singapore Zoo then to Science Centre then to Snowcity with my adorable Praisekids. Something I can never replace with anything else. The Experience was the coolest thing. Although all these places are meant for kids, well this is the childhood I lost. These are the year the locust have eaten. Much on my tears ,when I was young I wish to go here, but I couldn’t, but now that I serve in Praisekids, AMEN Hallelujah, I get back the years my childhood may have miss.

That goes the same for JC radix, I get back the years my teenage years would have waste away. And now leaving in my present years. Basically I am living three different years in a single period. Haha, confusing, but explainable.

I better stop, getting no where, I am just so excited about how God is doing things in my life. And I want to give him all the praise.

Beautiful Life

Tear roll down on me and it’s still rolling, when I come realize really realize about the goodness and the mercies of the Lord. Yes it been a while I didn’t blog. Emotionally down. Was getting annoyed and agitated over everything small and big and comes the Sunday service in Church of Praise. I thought it was just another Sunday service for me. But little that I know, I discovered something beautiful about. And tears never stop rolling from then.

Life, everyone in a point or another, will surely have something to complain about. Everyone complain, whine or even grumble. Some depressed over life, and some are fed up, and for me at that moment, I was tired in the cyclical of life’s ups and downs.

Then the song goes, “Shepherd of my soul”, right down to Chorus, be it in a quite pasture or by a gentle stream the shepherd of my soul is by my side, should I face a mighty mountain or valley that dark and deep the shepherd of my soul will be my guide. The verse even now bringing me tears; how can I ever get tired of living, not when the shepherd is just around. Up or down, the shepherd have never left me alone.

Life in the essence, it’s all in the hands of God. When I come to know this, I just know how beautiful life is. Shepherd leading, feeding, protecting, planning, providing for the sheep and the sheep just be a sheep. So sweet life, how can I ever come close to a word in English to say my gratitude to my Shepherd.

But I just know 4 word, that really rising deep within me that can at the least to form my expression of gratitude to my Savior; I love you Jesus.

Battle with myself

I don’t understand the thing I am going through. I know I am emo now. But I dun see the reason why, may be this is what’ll happen if you hang around with Shuen for a long while. No seriously, I don’t get it, may be isolation from the church activities makes me so super dry about everything around me. My job, career, global economic recession, church, God, exam, friends, and my family don’t think have set everything in order. Everything look messed up. I try to convince myself saying this is just temporary until you finish class then you will resume to normal. But having put on the class, I am lured into worldly passions. Like achieve more certificates and attain more recognition.

But for what ? seriously, whom am I trying impress ? am I reverting back to my oldself ? trying buy myself fame when all that it can bring is sorrow. Oh Please someone stop me!! I’m happy the way things were, but don’t know for good or bad, I am now taking a cert, and eventually lure into making more cert.

If only, I can say no to myself, and win myself in this battle. And I subject myself to God, and His will, none of this sorrow and despair ever be at my doorstep. Oh God, How far have I walked away from you ? how blind I turn myself into ? All this fame brings me sorrow, all this effort I am putting are sinking sand. I am lost .. I lost the battle .. I lost to myself, Will you God deliver me from myself ? Help me LORD.. I need YOU now..

Mad man in MRT

Well, I am not the person who takes MRT, but because of my class lately, I am now taking MRT more often. Well, the morning was bright as I was making my way to catch my bus in Jurong East MRT. All around the crowds were all sunken dull and the train just swing from stop to stop. Then it comes to Bukit Batok Station, a station before Jurong East MRT Interchange. Two boys in school uniform walked in and stand in front of me. An old Uncle tag at their behind, and keep staring at the boys. Then at a twinkle of a second; “BAM!!” loud noise was heard. The Boy on the floor and his spectacle broken, everyone in the cabin panicked at what had happen. Just when I thought Singapore to be the most secured place, I change my perception that very second.

The Uncle was screaming in foul language in mandarin. Little that I can understand, the uncle was saying that these boys are talking about him and his penis. The gory sight of this never leaves my mind for the whole day. I was so super angry when I saw that little boy aged around 15-18 crying and with his bull-eyes mark. I was boiling as though I could turn myself in to “super-saiyan” and wanted so much do something to that uncle. But I was chicken out. The uncle wasn’t sane and it’s not right for me to deal with this kind of people.

Just a fair advice to all, Please be careful when you are in Singapore, Especially taking MRT, for there are many like these in the Singapore Trains.

Who am i ?

I am in a dilemma, I somehow feel like I am lost to myself, don't know what happen to me, sick of being whom I am not, lately I am throwing tantrum, but that is definitely not me, I tried so hard to be so appealing, really forget how exactly I am suppose to be. Everything around me is so complicated.

But I ain't giving up; whether I am myself, or not myself, I have call, call to be God-like. I will continue to deny I am that I am, will continue to die to myself, and live for His Glory Sake.

Galatians 2: 20 ;
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Slacky Day at office

Well today I was assign with special assignment. My assignment was to test out the wireless strength at an area in the power plant. It’s dead area no one passes by. And best of all I need to test the signal strength, guess what I was doing ?

Yes you are right, I am blogging, youtubing, and Ebuddying. Hahaha, well if I am caught, I can legally say I was ask to test the network, what else they can expect out of me if were to test the network without proper equipment. All right if you would say I should ping non-stop some servers and everything, but come on look at me, I am so lonely no one is around, takkan I monitor the black screen that is pinging non-stop ? isn’t that Ridiculous. Anyway I enjoyed the whole day, Guess I have to stay here the whole day. So boring, I had full excitement of the network, only to go back and report my office the network is extremely fine. I just hope some one else will complain about the network again so I can have funtime again.

Worst of all, since no one is around, I was applying job at other places hahaha, isn’t that cool ? using company network to find job.. very unfaithful servant I am. Hahaha

I can't be loved

Well this is most probably the most emo posting ever.

I know who I was, Who am I trying to cheat ? Isn't things better now? Just when I thought everything is over, I am now a new creation, everything has passes. Have everything really passes? Didn't I learn anything from my past? Well this is my time again, my heart start to sing love song AGAIN. But I think I can’t anymore.


One of my best friends from church, also my well wisher, unintentionally confronts me with the facts. Though he doesn’t know much of my past, but he hit me with the right question and the really make me think. Things may have passed for me. All that tears may now be unknown already. My heart, by now has experience healing from the rejection and sadness that covers my heart all the while. But a mended broken heart isn’t new anymore, it still have the chance of breaking again.

It’s not others, it’s me, I can’t love, and no one can love me, for it is gone. My life story will tell me just right where I am now. I am not in the circle of perfect life, I am in the line of mended life, just extended grace that made me live again. Everything is not easily swept away. No past walks away so easily.

Like the song, “Because of you”, I know it’s hard, although I have forgiven “you” in the song, I’ve let “you” go, I know your knife that stab through my heart have no power anymore, but still I am not taking the risk to let anyone else in. No way, enough is enough; the pain is still intense, Trauma never leaves.

Now all I pray that miracle would happen again, there is already so much of miracles that have happened. Asking for more is really being greedy. Well God is a God of Abundance, certainly He will restore the years the Locust have eaten.

In God I will continue to trust ..

Crazy futsal game

Hahah,

Ya after JC Radix, bunch crazy guys with me, played futsal at 12 - 2 am. Believe it or not, it was the most fun time in my life. Really never did anything crazy like that. I had so much fun that nite. Hahaha, Really glad i didn't chicken out.

Worst of it all, I actually notify my mom via SMS, and went on with the game. Come on which mom with a right mind would ever believe a futsal game at that late hour, so it's really crazy to even make her believe that i am really on for the game. So after the game, i realise both my parent are sleeping, i sneak and view the SMS i send, i delete them, no more evidence that i actually was in for crazy game. haha

Well that nite i really enjoy a lot, a nite i won't forget :)

My Savior My God

I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at his right hand
Stands one who is my Savior

I take him at his word and deed
Christ died to save me this I read
And in my heart I find a need
For him to be my Savior

That he would leave his place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior

My Savior loves, my Savior lives
My Savior's always there for me
My God he was, my God he is
My God he's always gonna be

Yes, living, dying; let me bring
My strength, my solace from this spring
That he who lives to be my king
Once died to be my Savior

That he would leave his place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior

My Savior loves, my Savior lives
My Savior's always there for me
My God he was, My God he is
My God he's always gonna be

Proposal for Melaka Trip

I know some of you don’t read my blog, but I got no other way to post my planning online so I use my blog. Hahah

Anyway;

Melaka trip is on,
Date : 26-27 October 2008

I need people to confirm with me,
Ok I suggest this hotel SUPER GOOD 5 star hotel but a little Ex, but if we share all together won’t be so super ex.

Click here to see the home page of the hotel

It’s about RM458 for a single Three room apartment. We can be as noisy as want no one can say anything lol.

Also there is a cheaper mean, please leave some comment if you have better proposal.

Please Let me know if you are really coming.

I am trying to keep the budget low as possible.

Air Steward for God's Steward

Yesterday, while having dinner, our conversation just bumps into my experience in SIA cabin crew interview. Well, yes I nearly got into SIA. But may be due to my disability, I wouldn’t have become the best Air-Steward. But now I see myself a better person, I am now a God’s Steward.

Seriously, what change my mind on me not trying again for SIA cabin crew interview was, the testimony Tommie Shared about his best friend who is now a pilot, I would leave him unnamed for confidentiality sake. Shared his view about how he is a successful Pilot with all that he wants in life he had it. But would trade EVERYTHING that he now have just find someone who would love him for who he is.

I am just the better one. I have wealth million fold better compare to all that Warren Buffet’s wealth put together, I have friends that no money or anything can come in value above them. I know I am loved, at all cost. I didn’t regret letting go the dream of becoming an air-steward, because if I am steward now, most probably, I would be flying all across the world ALONE. My life was in the drenched loneliness until I find Church of Praise. Everyone there means a whole world to me, wouldn’t trade them for anything. There is no place on earth I rather be but to meet my brothers and sisters in Church of Praise. Now all my prayer is that I don’t have to move away from JB or God call me into missions to any nations.

The Fear of Unlove.

I am lately been doing some thinking, lately I am very irritant and sensitive. Easy to loose cool and getting emotional is never been my way. Thinking back, I think I am in the verge of the fear of losing everyone again. I’ve gone through so much pain before seeing people around me don’t find me comfortable and would avoid. With This kind of pain in my life, I find it hard to leave that fear out.

Lately, I get so many friends, So much of them, I feel like if I die tonight I’ll die as the happiest man on earth. This was the vacuum in my heart, I was desperately longing for friends who would stand in with me, know me and care for me. But just lately, this vacuum in heart is totally filled.

All I was going through was an mixed up emotion that makes me think, if I be myself, my friends would leave me, and I need to mask myself. Then I start wearing mask after mask. Finally, the layers of mask so thicken, I realize I am not myself anymore. This is really not me. I trying so hard to be someone I am not until I loose the call of whom I am really.

Never felt like this before, but somewhere along life, I lost what it takes to be myself. For Good or for bad, I lost it, and now I fear that I will be unloved, as I am very unpredictable. I pray I’ll be myself.

Anyway the word unlove is so not an English word. But it is taken from a song.

And I know no matter what, even if my whole world crumble down, I know I am not unlove.

New Creation

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! ( 2 corinthians 5:17 )

Well that’s me, seriously can’t imagine with my wildest sight, I am now a new creation, indeed my past have been destroyed. It’s no more there. What actually happen is that; God buried my past in the grave and I don’t have to worry about it anymore. It was a coffin nailed so hard by God Almighty, no man nor could any being or forces do away with what had happen in my life.

What happened is a story of God’s Grace. Well when I try to measure the size of my past , it only come in equal to God’s Grace, all have been wiped out, all have been forgotten. I know the life I had, and I alone know what I gone through. There was grave specifically designed for me.

It was designed to have me buried,
It was designed to have my future vanish,
It was designed so that I can be death to everything God’s count me for,
It was designed that I, the loved of the LORD, won’t be able to see him anymore.

And upon that same grave, God buried it,
He buried my past along with my diseases,
He buried there in the coffin so that I can see it dying,
He buried right for me so that I now may speak of the life I received.

And none but Jesus could give me the LOVE that could fill.


Thank You JESUS for Love to me,
Thank You JESUS for you Grace so free..

Singapore PR- OXYmoron

Oxy moron;a figure of speech by which a locution produces an incongruous, seemingly self-contradictory effect, as in “cruel kindness” or “to make haste slowly.”

like the best Oxymoronic statement i have made is like in uncle jo cafe in sutera mall i actually ordered for " ice lemon tea hot" .

Well now the latest Oxymoron that have happen to me is I am now a Singapore Permanent Residence. What is so oxy-moron here; well physically, i am not staying in singapore, i love my country and i bounceback everyday. Which part of me is Residence to them :P .

Second, I LOVE Malaysia like i hate Singapore So much, How is this then possible, i am now one like them. what had happen to me. Why would i allow such a torment.

haha ..

God Bless Singapore ..
Majulah Singapura..

Winds of Change..

Well, everyone is aware of the political change in the midst of the global change. Everywhere people are hearing about their government change. US, Pakistan, Taiwan, BEST still Our Nation. What is happening? How can the countries are going in the spontaneous change without realizing ? And as Christian what is our role amidst this change.

To raise it along hand in hand, we may have close by to forget the moment when the world trade centre crumble down, and the disaster that struck Indonesia over and over again. Thousands were dead, China’s earthquake thousands again were dead. Put in together, Middle East bloodshed was just like yesterday’s nightmare. Are we missing the point?

What is the world driven into? What is the world now desperately seeking? All of the world’s glories now one by one are being torn into pieces. The entire the humanity is driving itself into desperate need. A need for PERFECT King.

Isaiah in the Chapter 6, he started of with; In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple.

Small Summary:
- King Uzziah died; a kingdom without a perfect king, and the whole country is mourning.
- Significantly, Isaiah is in the temple could suggest he is seeking for an answer for the situation.
- Go on to verse 8; Isaiah receive a calling. A very prominent calling, Call to tell the world about the Messiah ( the Anointed King).
- Thereafter Isaiah was preaching with life and death about the coming messiah.

Christians, are we there to pray. Are we seeking answer from God. Things are happening, especially in our nation. Are we Praying ? honestly coming from me, I sense the urgency, but I myself find it hard to pray for my nation. I plunge my head on news channels and website. Somehow seeking answer. Somehow Bernama TV and Malaysiakini, could give me an answer or an update to the situation. Somehow I will find an answer, but I think no the answer is not there. It’s here, It’s with the King of Kings. He is doing the change we are to pray and seek him for the answer. I urge you brethren, Let’s Pray for our Nation …

Do you see the need for messenger of God, to tell the whole world about his Coming? It is very close. Closer than you think.

Sorry for the long Blog, I was having second thought of posting this but I think I just want God’s people see thing in His view. Our Nation need Jesus. The real new Dawn for our Nation.

Jesus- my Goal-Keeper

Erm, Seriously I really wanted to stop posting things about Futsal, I pray to make this a last one :P anyway, as of the title above ( beginning to sound like email ), Ya, Jesus my goalkeeper, why ..

Well here is why, I was doing some thinking, and somehow I was inspired a message from the game while I was playing it. Christian walk is like a futsal game, we are all playing either defender or striker, against the kingdom of darkness. The ball represent Sins/failures/shames/curses and all the other negative things. We are at this war with the enemy, trying to goal the ball the opposite team so that we don’t have to bear it anymore.

And when we are at this game, remember we are not playing a single role game like badminton, we are in a team of Christians together. Warring, with the help of the brethren (no, I am not referring to denominations), we are to make a good team player to kick the goal in. Many time we need to do defense or striking. But if we fail … we need to remember, Jesus is our Goal-keeper, no he is not going to fail.

But that doesn’t gives us a room to be negligence, we need to do defense and striking as we are called to be in the game, just because we are having almighty God to stand in as goal-keeper, doesn’t mean we have won the game( which he already won). We need to give the BEST of our defense and play the best team game to get the ball into the enemy’s goal post. Thus make us the victor in Christ Jesus.

Really trying to shorten my blog as I receive feedback that my blog is long long . so I want to stop it here.

Cheers

For His Glory,
Been made Alive,
To tell the world; He is Alive

SEPTEMBER 14,2008

Ya it’s about September 14, 2008 , The day to remember, really, The day I know that nothing is impossible With God …

Hahaha .. it’s a day to remember for me cause this is the day I actually scored in my First Goal, beat the odd I can never play the game, to be just able to play the game and now score the game that I once hated with all my heart, soul and spirit. Really a defining moment for me. I know there is no word on this earth express the feeling, not when I know I can’t make it, but by God’s grace I made it. The feeling is close to David when he sling the shot on goliath. It’s really an experience , want to know more… you got experience yourself :P

It’s also another day to remember for me, because not just the game. I also beat the odd on something that I can never possibly do, but by God’s Grace I do it. Yes that is doing PA in my church. As some of you may know, I am really one-sided deaf, controlling sound and effects it’s like impossible. But I didn’t mark myself with my disability, I want to break the limit, soar on wings of eagle, I took it as challenge. With the help of Hueyuen, wow.. I learn millions of thing that day alone. It’s experience for me. Walking out of my inferiority complexity more like low self-esteem. Now I see myself in different angle. I am breaking free from all that is stopping me from moving forward. All that hold me back now they have no hold me.

The only Hold that I have now is JESUS holding me :)

Futsal Game..

Er, I was really thinking where to start my blog with, because there have been so many things that happens in my life and that I begin to lose sight of bringing glory back to God. So I decided to praise God in this area first, of as of my previous post, Yes it’s all begins with Church of Praise, not denying that, but Futsal was the initial point. To me it’s like the altar that I can never forget.

Ok, it’s all started with Tommie (my CG leader), invite me to a futsal game, that was like my third time in the church, everyone still a stranger to me. And Futsal is also a stranger to me. Well my whole purpose of going to the game was to make more friend as of that point was really lonely, and I know my life needed much more than just family. Well that was drive me to the game, in the name of fellowshipping. Even when I decided to go, I already build a scene where everyone start hating for not be able to kick even the ball.

But in my mind, I was like sort of testing the patience of these people are they really willing to put up with some one barely can kick a ball. I never kicked the ball before, TRULY, as heaven is my witness and God who is in the throne shall judge me so severely if I am lying on these, I never really played futsal ever before. All I can ever remember was being rejected from that game. That makes me grow up in severe loneliness. Because I hated myself for not be able to play that game and my friend rejects me for that. That game really has heavy bitter roots that been growing for 2 over decades. If any of my uni-friends would remember, everywhere I go I make fun of the stupidity of the game. And I would make strong statement like I hate football with all my heart, soul and Spirit. Bless the Samaritan who said the prayer for me to come to the understanding of the game.

Well here is the spiritual deliverance comes in, I was so growing up with the bitter roots makes me never been iconic man, which I always strive for. For those who know closely, watch the way I dress, it’s not that I am so fashion-concerned, It’s my strife to reach the iconic man which I always dreamt. I wanted so much to be an idol at least just to someone. So much I wanted Attention; yes I was suffering severe lack of attention. And then I fuh I was in the game, played the game as lousy as no one could beat me in lousiness.

But some is definitely different this time. For my very first time in my life, for the very first time, I heard a loud voice cheering for me. A loud voice is coming out from someone I barely know him that well then. It’s Samuel Chia, a guy from that church, who did the shout, “ Good one, Naresh!!”, then I realize that was my first kick on the field. I actually managed to kick the ball. Not a Goal in fact till today I haven’t scored in. My days are coming I will one day score in. But this was like words can’t explain, what it’s had done in the spiritual realms, broke thousands of wall. I secretly was suffering from low self esteem and inferiority Complex. But any of my action externally was living in denial of someone suffering from that, seriously, can’t believe it had happen. I saw so many spiritual walls, crumbling down. TOO OOOOO many layers of wall broke free. The scenery for me was like, When Joshua Call out a triumph loud cry and trumpet sound that made the city of jericho’s wall down. Everything come crumbling down. Well I never had a day I actually walk in and tell Samuel how much that shout meant for me. But it’s definitely broke down. It took me this long to actually share it out. Because halfway, I was skeptical of the freedom I had. But I lived long enough this day to share it for the Glory of God, I am now FREEE.. REALLY FREEE… To those who know personally, or you are reading my blog and heard about my past before. Well, those days were like so impossible, but I know now, it’s possible. I also wants sincerely to apologize for leaving false confidence in everyone last time, because every time I think I am changed and bring about the confidence that I am changed but I am not and certainly was tough time for those who were walking along side with me. But now is definitely different. This Change is not Done by me, It’s Done by God, For unto eternity it can’t be changed unless I Choose to go back to my own mud.

Second person I really want to thank is Uncle Teoh, REALLY all I my life never met such caring and humble man. He was like a man hardly give up almost anything. He was like father to the fatherless generation in my church. ( I hope his children don’t stone me ), I barely have dialogue with him, except in the game, but even in the game, he always warm me into the game and never let me give up, at time I fall, at times the ball bounce on my head and give me head spin, Guess who run to give me aid and make me back to the game, if not for Uncle Teoh, I would have loose sight. Really thank God for people like him in the church would organize events that really bonds everyone in the church.

This game meant a lot for me. Real a lot for me. It bring back the childhood I lost. It cures my rejection from having friends. It restores me from my loneliness to a leader. ( read my other blog to under this : http://apostlenaresh.blogspot.com). It completely restores me and lead me to the right track with God. Not even in my wildest dream, wildest imagination I would have dream about this. But it has finaly come. It is finally here, Thanks for praying for me. Now I am that you have prayed me for.

GLORY only BELONGS to GOD, not to futsal Game, IT’s just an instrument God use to bring about the deliverance.

It's all begin in Church of Praise :)

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