Mad man in MRT

Well, I am not the person who takes MRT, but because of my class lately, I am now taking MRT more often. Well, the morning was bright as I was making my way to catch my bus in Jurong East MRT. All around the crowds were all sunken dull and the train just swing from stop to stop. Then it comes to Bukit Batok Station, a station before Jurong East MRT Interchange. Two boys in school uniform walked in and stand in front of me. An old Uncle tag at their behind, and keep staring at the boys. Then at a twinkle of a second; “BAM!!” loud noise was heard. The Boy on the floor and his spectacle broken, everyone in the cabin panicked at what had happen. Just when I thought Singapore to be the most secured place, I change my perception that very second.

The Uncle was screaming in foul language in mandarin. Little that I can understand, the uncle was saying that these boys are talking about him and his penis. The gory sight of this never leaves my mind for the whole day. I was so super angry when I saw that little boy aged around 15-18 crying and with his bull-eyes mark. I was boiling as though I could turn myself in to “super-saiyan” and wanted so much do something to that uncle. But I was chicken out. The uncle wasn’t sane and it’s not right for me to deal with this kind of people.

Just a fair advice to all, Please be careful when you are in Singapore, Especially taking MRT, for there are many like these in the Singapore Trains.

Who am i ?

I am in a dilemma, I somehow feel like I am lost to myself, don't know what happen to me, sick of being whom I am not, lately I am throwing tantrum, but that is definitely not me, I tried so hard to be so appealing, really forget how exactly I am suppose to be. Everything around me is so complicated.

But I ain't giving up; whether I am myself, or not myself, I have call, call to be God-like. I will continue to deny I am that I am, will continue to die to myself, and live for His Glory Sake.

Galatians 2: 20 ;
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Slacky Day at office

Well today I was assign with special assignment. My assignment was to test out the wireless strength at an area in the power plant. It’s dead area no one passes by. And best of all I need to test the signal strength, guess what I was doing ?

Yes you are right, I am blogging, youtubing, and Ebuddying. Hahaha, well if I am caught, I can legally say I was ask to test the network, what else they can expect out of me if were to test the network without proper equipment. All right if you would say I should ping non-stop some servers and everything, but come on look at me, I am so lonely no one is around, takkan I monitor the black screen that is pinging non-stop ? isn’t that Ridiculous. Anyway I enjoyed the whole day, Guess I have to stay here the whole day. So boring, I had full excitement of the network, only to go back and report my office the network is extremely fine. I just hope some one else will complain about the network again so I can have funtime again.

Worst of all, since no one is around, I was applying job at other places hahaha, isn’t that cool ? using company network to find job.. very unfaithful servant I am. Hahaha

I can't be loved

Well this is most probably the most emo posting ever.

I know who I was, Who am I trying to cheat ? Isn't things better now? Just when I thought everything is over, I am now a new creation, everything has passes. Have everything really passes? Didn't I learn anything from my past? Well this is my time again, my heart start to sing love song AGAIN. But I think I can’t anymore.


One of my best friends from church, also my well wisher, unintentionally confronts me with the facts. Though he doesn’t know much of my past, but he hit me with the right question and the really make me think. Things may have passed for me. All that tears may now be unknown already. My heart, by now has experience healing from the rejection and sadness that covers my heart all the while. But a mended broken heart isn’t new anymore, it still have the chance of breaking again.

It’s not others, it’s me, I can’t love, and no one can love me, for it is gone. My life story will tell me just right where I am now. I am not in the circle of perfect life, I am in the line of mended life, just extended grace that made me live again. Everything is not easily swept away. No past walks away so easily.

Like the song, “Because of you”, I know it’s hard, although I have forgiven “you” in the song, I’ve let “you” go, I know your knife that stab through my heart have no power anymore, but still I am not taking the risk to let anyone else in. No way, enough is enough; the pain is still intense, Trauma never leaves.

Now all I pray that miracle would happen again, there is already so much of miracles that have happened. Asking for more is really being greedy. Well God is a God of Abundance, certainly He will restore the years the Locust have eaten.

In God I will continue to trust ..

Crazy futsal game

Hahah,

Ya after JC Radix, bunch crazy guys with me, played futsal at 12 - 2 am. Believe it or not, it was the most fun time in my life. Really never did anything crazy like that. I had so much fun that nite. Hahaha, Really glad i didn't chicken out.

Worst of it all, I actually notify my mom via SMS, and went on with the game. Come on which mom with a right mind would ever believe a futsal game at that late hour, so it's really crazy to even make her believe that i am really on for the game. So after the game, i realise both my parent are sleeping, i sneak and view the SMS i send, i delete them, no more evidence that i actually was in for crazy game. haha

Well that nite i really enjoy a lot, a nite i won't forget :)

My Savior My God

I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at his right hand
Stands one who is my Savior

I take him at his word and deed
Christ died to save me this I read
And in my heart I find a need
For him to be my Savior

That he would leave his place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior

My Savior loves, my Savior lives
My Savior's always there for me
My God he was, my God he is
My God he's always gonna be

Yes, living, dying; let me bring
My strength, my solace from this spring
That he who lives to be my king
Once died to be my Savior

That he would leave his place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior

My Savior loves, my Savior lives
My Savior's always there for me
My God he was, My God he is
My God he's always gonna be

Proposal for Melaka Trip

I know some of you don’t read my blog, but I got no other way to post my planning online so I use my blog. Hahah

Anyway;

Melaka trip is on,
Date : 26-27 October 2008

I need people to confirm with me,
Ok I suggest this hotel SUPER GOOD 5 star hotel but a little Ex, but if we share all together won’t be so super ex.

Click here to see the home page of the hotel

It’s about RM458 for a single Three room apartment. We can be as noisy as want no one can say anything lol.

Also there is a cheaper mean, please leave some comment if you have better proposal.

Please Let me know if you are really coming.

I am trying to keep the budget low as possible.

Air Steward for God's Steward

Yesterday, while having dinner, our conversation just bumps into my experience in SIA cabin crew interview. Well, yes I nearly got into SIA. But may be due to my disability, I wouldn’t have become the best Air-Steward. But now I see myself a better person, I am now a God’s Steward.

Seriously, what change my mind on me not trying again for SIA cabin crew interview was, the testimony Tommie Shared about his best friend who is now a pilot, I would leave him unnamed for confidentiality sake. Shared his view about how he is a successful Pilot with all that he wants in life he had it. But would trade EVERYTHING that he now have just find someone who would love him for who he is.

I am just the better one. I have wealth million fold better compare to all that Warren Buffet’s wealth put together, I have friends that no money or anything can come in value above them. I know I am loved, at all cost. I didn’t regret letting go the dream of becoming an air-steward, because if I am steward now, most probably, I would be flying all across the world ALONE. My life was in the drenched loneliness until I find Church of Praise. Everyone there means a whole world to me, wouldn’t trade them for anything. There is no place on earth I rather be but to meet my brothers and sisters in Church of Praise. Now all my prayer is that I don’t have to move away from JB or God call me into missions to any nations.

The Fear of Unlove.

I am lately been doing some thinking, lately I am very irritant and sensitive. Easy to loose cool and getting emotional is never been my way. Thinking back, I think I am in the verge of the fear of losing everyone again. I’ve gone through so much pain before seeing people around me don’t find me comfortable and would avoid. With This kind of pain in my life, I find it hard to leave that fear out.

Lately, I get so many friends, So much of them, I feel like if I die tonight I’ll die as the happiest man on earth. This was the vacuum in my heart, I was desperately longing for friends who would stand in with me, know me and care for me. But just lately, this vacuum in heart is totally filled.

All I was going through was an mixed up emotion that makes me think, if I be myself, my friends would leave me, and I need to mask myself. Then I start wearing mask after mask. Finally, the layers of mask so thicken, I realize I am not myself anymore. This is really not me. I trying so hard to be someone I am not until I loose the call of whom I am really.

Never felt like this before, but somewhere along life, I lost what it takes to be myself. For Good or for bad, I lost it, and now I fear that I will be unloved, as I am very unpredictable. I pray I’ll be myself.

Anyway the word unlove is so not an English word. But it is taken from a song.

And I know no matter what, even if my whole world crumble down, I know I am not unlove.