Beautiful Life

Tear roll down on me and it’s still rolling, when I come realize really realize about the goodness and the mercies of the Lord. Yes it been a while I didn’t blog. Emotionally down. Was getting annoyed and agitated over everything small and big and comes the Sunday service in Church of Praise. I thought it was just another Sunday service for me. But little that I know, I discovered something beautiful about. And tears never stop rolling from then.

Life, everyone in a point or another, will surely have something to complain about. Everyone complain, whine or even grumble. Some depressed over life, and some are fed up, and for me at that moment, I was tired in the cyclical of life’s ups and downs.

Then the song goes, “Shepherd of my soul”, right down to Chorus, be it in a quite pasture or by a gentle stream the shepherd of my soul is by my side, should I face a mighty mountain or valley that dark and deep the shepherd of my soul will be my guide. The verse even now bringing me tears; how can I ever get tired of living, not when the shepherd is just around. Up or down, the shepherd have never left me alone.

Life in the essence, it’s all in the hands of God. When I come to know this, I just know how beautiful life is. Shepherd leading, feeding, protecting, planning, providing for the sheep and the sheep just be a sheep. So sweet life, how can I ever come close to a word in English to say my gratitude to my Shepherd.

But I just know 4 word, that really rising deep within me that can at the least to form my expression of gratitude to my Savior; I love you Jesus.

Battle with myself

I don’t understand the thing I am going through. I know I am emo now. But I dun see the reason why, may be this is what’ll happen if you hang around with Shuen for a long while. No seriously, I don’t get it, may be isolation from the church activities makes me so super dry about everything around me. My job, career, global economic recession, church, God, exam, friends, and my family don’t think have set everything in order. Everything look messed up. I try to convince myself saying this is just temporary until you finish class then you will resume to normal. But having put on the class, I am lured into worldly passions. Like achieve more certificates and attain more recognition.

But for what ? seriously, whom am I trying impress ? am I reverting back to my oldself ? trying buy myself fame when all that it can bring is sorrow. Oh Please someone stop me!! I’m happy the way things were, but don’t know for good or bad, I am now taking a cert, and eventually lure into making more cert.

If only, I can say no to myself, and win myself in this battle. And I subject myself to God, and His will, none of this sorrow and despair ever be at my doorstep. Oh God, How far have I walked away from you ? how blind I turn myself into ? All this fame brings me sorrow, all this effort I am putting are sinking sand. I am lost .. I lost the battle .. I lost to myself, Will you God deliver me from myself ? Help me LORD.. I need YOU now..