Battle with myself

I don’t understand the thing I am going through. I know I am emo now. But I dun see the reason why, may be this is what’ll happen if you hang around with Shuen for a long while. No seriously, I don’t get it, may be isolation from the church activities makes me so super dry about everything around me. My job, career, global economic recession, church, God, exam, friends, and my family don’t think have set everything in order. Everything look messed up. I try to convince myself saying this is just temporary until you finish class then you will resume to normal. But having put on the class, I am lured into worldly passions. Like achieve more certificates and attain more recognition.

But for what ? seriously, whom am I trying impress ? am I reverting back to my oldself ? trying buy myself fame when all that it can bring is sorrow. Oh Please someone stop me!! I’m happy the way things were, but don’t know for good or bad, I am now taking a cert, and eventually lure into making more cert.

If only, I can say no to myself, and win myself in this battle. And I subject myself to God, and His will, none of this sorrow and despair ever be at my doorstep. Oh God, How far have I walked away from you ? how blind I turn myself into ? All this fame brings me sorrow, all this effort I am putting are sinking sand. I am lost .. I lost the battle .. I lost to myself, Will you God deliver me from myself ? Help me LORD.. I need YOU now..